


the ache of bad days

by cosmicpoet



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Bad Days, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 22:43:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14942753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicpoet/pseuds/cosmicpoet
Summary: Maki is having a terrible day, but at least Kaito is there.





	the ache of bad days

**Author's Note:**

  * For [criischan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/criischan/gifts).



Maki still lies in bed, even though the sun has long since risen. She told Kaito to go out and get groceries over an hour ago, but she was lying; she hates even now how lies feel so familiar to her. The ghost of her past still hangs heavy on her lips every time she utters words that are untrue, even to her love, even to herself. Truthfully, she just wanted to be alone, and she’s almost glad right now that she _is_ by herself.

_Almost_ glad. Because she can’t feel anything right now except the heavy weight of depression crushing her whole body, as if in a past life she was stuck under a hydraulic press, decimated into nothing. Right now, she wishes that she could live the fantasy of death.

The thing is, her past swims in front of her eyes whenever they’re closed. She sees the orphanage, and feels in her heart the helplessness of watching her friends be ripped from her; her assassin training haunts her daily, especially when she traces the scars across her body. It’s just…painfully obvious to her that she doesn’t deserve love. Even when Kaito kisses her, she feels like her body is alien, foreign, not hers. It’s a strange type of dissociation to remove her mind from her tainted body and wish with all of her being that she could be someone else.

Right now, the only thing that keeps her grounded is the weighted presence of the bed underneath her. The duvet is long since discarded, but it doesn’t matter, because neither heat nor cold affect her; all she can feel across her whole body is the static sense of _being,_ existing when she wishes more than anything that she was just a wisp of wind, soon to be gone.

It’s not like she wants to die. She just doesn’t want to have been born in the first place. The world would be better anyway, she thinks.

When she hears the front door to the apartment open, she panics a little; she can’t let Kaito see her like this, or he’ll think she’s weak. She supposes that that was why she was attracted to him in the first place, because of his inherent strength and his supportive nature - she wants to be like that, but she knows that she wasn’t built for goodness or greatness. Whilst her thoughts are caught in this, she tries to stumble out of the bed, but her legs get caught in the duvet that she threw on the floor a while ago, and she falls.

There’s no time to get up before she sees Kaito’s face looking down at her from the doorway, shopping bags still in hand.

“You okay, Maki Roll?”

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine,” she says, trying to keep her voice stoic, “just fell.”

“C’mon, you can’t lie to me,” Kaito replies, putting the groceries down and walking over to her. He cups her face in his hand and, with his other, strong, arm, pulls her close. “I know you’re sad.”

“What? No…I’m fine.”

“I knew you were sad ever since you tried to get me out of the house to buy groceries. I’m not the idiot that most people think I am,” Kaito whispers, “come on. Let’s get you onto the sofa.”

He helps her up from the ground and walks with her, slowly and gently, to the living room. When he sits her on the sofa, he kneels down on the floor so that his eyes meet hers at equal level.

“Please, Maki Roll,” he says, “don’t pretend like you’re fine just for my sake. We didn’t need groceries at all, you just wanted me out of the house so you could be sad on your own.”

“I…”

“It’s fine. I get it. So I went to the library and rented the first series of American Horror Story for us. And I bought some hot chocolate and sweets, ‘cause I know how much of a damn sweet tooth you are.”

“K-Kaito…why?”

“Because you deserve it. And I know I’m not the best with emotions, so I don’t always say it, but I love you.”

“I’m…I’m not…”

“Don’t say you’re not sad, or you’re not deserving of love, or anything like that. Maki Roll, meeting you was the best thing I ever did. Every single day I’m…I’m blessed to know you. And dating you is just a dream, y’know? Please, let me just take care of you while you’re having a bad day.”

Before she can even protest, not that she has the energy to do so, Kaito bounds into the kitchen and she hears him boiling the kettle. As she settles down onto the sofa, she looks up at the ceiling and wonders what she did to deserve someone so wonderful. Surely someone as horrible as her, with such a traumatic past, doesn’t deserve a love so pure.

But when Kaito comes back through to the living room, holding a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows, she tries to convince herself that maybe she can fool herself for one more day. Fool herself into believing that she deserves love.

Still, when she sees his face, halfway through the first few episodes of American Horror Story, painted with an almost comic terror, she realises that he’s watching her favourite TV show despite being terrified of horror shows. To be in the presence of such a good person comforts her, and she leans into him as she takes a sip of her hot chocolate. Kaito’s face turns from terror to a huge smile as he stares at the cream-moustache on her lips from the drink.

“I…I love you,” she says.

“I love you too,” he replies, “and I always will. Even if you don’t love yourself, I’ll always be here to remind you that you’re worthy of love and kindness. And bad days are okay. They’re natural. Just know that I’ll be here for you during every bad day and every dark morning, alright?”

“A-Alright.”

Maki smiles. Perhaps, she thinks, days that start terribly don’t have to end with the same kind of horror. Especially with Kaito holding her close. Anything can become good.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my wonderful friend Criis, whose art inspires me so much!!


End file.
